Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
