We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
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