Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
