my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize
