stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
