he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
