I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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