Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
