Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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