it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
