he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
