she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Randomize
