I'm really into asian looking animals
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
