If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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