She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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