Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
