and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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