The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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