fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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