the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
