the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
Randomize
