I will die if light touches me.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I need moral support for this bender
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I believe in your delicious
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Randomize
