you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
