I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
