i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
