The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
