Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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