im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
