i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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