New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
