Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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