And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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