HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
