tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
