Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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