you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
