My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Randomize
