Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
