Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
