first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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