there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
