its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
