I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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