Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Your shirt... Was in my pants
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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