I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
