I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Randomize
