so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
