we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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