UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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