In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
