He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
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