I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
